if you recall a little over a month ago, i wrote about how i started doing weight watchers as a way to lose some of the extra pounds i’d acquired in the last year. i had quietly decided to myself that i wasn’t going to write about my diet until i’d achieved some measurable goal - like 10 lbs.  it was going to be a blog talking about slow and steady success and determination. turns out, though, that blog post is still a LONG way off - because dieting is fucking hard. i lost 5 lbs. pretty easily and i’ve watched myself yo-yo back and forth in the weeks since achieving that goal.  it’s maddening.  i am so disappointed in myself sometimes that i feel like i’m one big walking bummerfest.  to have a weekly goal set and to miss it.. more than once.. it’s just not something i like doing.  at all. i think the biggest point of frustration for me is that it’s revealed a real serious problem that i have that is bigger than weight loss: i have VERY little self control.  about most things. that voice inside most people that keeps you from doing dumb shit like grabbing a handful of M&Ms or clicking “add to shopping cart”.  i don’t have it.  or, i do have it, but it’s a weak little easily-ignored voice.  it’s easily my biggest flaw.  some of the people i admire most in my life are the ones who have amazing self control in the face of temptation.  i don’t know how they do it. i just got back from my week 6 weigh-in which revealed i’d made no progress whatsoever in the last two weeks.  those weeks contained friends in town, meals out, a beach trip - all very valid reason to fall off the wagon, except that i’m NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL OFF THE FUCKING WAGON. so, anyway, i was not going to write about this.  but i’m so mad at myself and annoyed that i thought maybe writing it down might help a little bit.  i’m going to try and really work hard these next few weeks.  my goal is that the next time you hear about this stupid fucking diet, it will be because i’ve lost 10 lbs. and not to hear me bitch anymore. that’s all. /rage

if you recall a little over a month ago, i wrote about how i started doing weight watchers as a way to lose some of the extra pounds i’d acquired in the last year.

i had quietly decided to myself that i wasn’t going to write about my diet until i’d achieved some measurable goal - like 10 lbs.  it was going to be a blog talking about slow and steady success and determination.

turns out, though, that blog post is still a LONG way off - because dieting is fucking hard.

i lost 5 lbs. pretty easily and i’ve watched myself yo-yo back and forth in the weeks since achieving that goal.  it’s maddening.  i am so disappointed in myself sometimes that i feel like i’m one big walking bummerfest.  to have a weekly goal set and to miss it.. more than once.. it’s just not something i like doing.  at all.

i think the biggest point of frustration for me is that it’s revealed a real serious problem that i have that is bigger than weight loss:

i have VERY little self control.  about most things.

that voice inside most people that keeps you from doing dumb shit like grabbing a handful of M&Ms or clicking “add to shopping cart”.  i don’t have it.  or, i do have it, but it’s a weak little easily-ignored voice.  it’s easily my biggest flaw.  some of the people i admire most in my life are the ones who have amazing self control in the face of temptation.  i don’t know how they do it.

i just got back from my week 6 weigh-in which revealed i’d made no progress whatsoever in the last two weeks.  those weeks contained friends in town, meals out, a beach trip - all very valid reason to fall off the wagon, except that i’m NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL OFF THE FUCKING WAGON.

so, anyway, i was not going to write about this.  but i’m so mad at myself and annoyed that i thought maybe writing it down might help a little bit.  i’m going to try and really work hard these next few weeks.  my goal is that the next time you hear about this stupid fucking diet, it will be because i’ve lost 10 lbs. and not to hear me bitch anymore.

that’s all.

/rage