the first concert i ever went to was in 1994 and veruca salt was the opening act.  so technically, they were the first band i ever saw play live on a stage.  i had just turned fourteen.

thirteen/fourteen was that weird age where girls suddenly started to become really important and the raging awkwardness of your early teenage years really started ramping up.

i can close my eyes and remember that night with shocking clarity, while entire years of my life have already started blurring.  the lights went totally dark and two spotlights came on at the front of the stage.  into the light walked these two beautiful dark-haired women in flowing white dresses holding guitars.  moments later, the first notes of “all hail me” rang out and it was the loudest thing i’d ever heard.  instantly, i was hit with this dual epiphany:

oh my god, i want to have sex with them.

and

oh my god, i want to BE them.

i’d never felt either thing more strongly before in my life.  i was living in utah at the time, where sexuality was more or less non-existent from the culture, at least at my age… and here were these two beautiful powerful sexual women rocking the fuck out on stage.  it was both terrifying and exhilarating for fourteen-year-old me.

i hadn’t even held a girl’s hand at this point, let alone kissed a girl.  so witnessing this raw sexuality was like a punch in the face.  i was totally in love.

but like i said above, it wasn’t just about loving them, it was also that i wanted to become what they were.  i wanted to be on stage, playing guitar, singing my heart out the same way they were.  i can look back at that moment as one of the first times where i really knew that’s what i wanted to do with my life.  i wanted to be performing on stage.

here i am 15 years later.  i had the good fortune to play in bands and tour the country for six years, had the time of my life, and hopefully inspired one or two fourteen-year-olds to do the same thing along the way.  sadly to say, i never did get to have sex with nina gordon or louise post.  nina’s 42 now and louise is 43 and i think they’re both married.  but i just wanted to officially announce here on the blog that, ladies, i’m still down if you are.