amazing woman at krogers on broad - 31 (richmond va)

I know you heard me say Hi…. But you chose to be a stuck up priss…. So I made sure to call you a stuck up whore loud enough for everyone to hear……. Then I noticed yo got super read, like you where mad…. But you could have avoided this by being a polite bitch and just saying hi back… Truly it would have sufficed….. But I just wanted to add one more thing… ZOMG do yo have a nice ass. ;D

finally, a missed connection i can relate to.  usually when i’m at the grocery store, i like to harass beautiful women.  the more beautiful, the better.  now, to be honest, a lot of times this will backfire.  maybe she doesn’t want to talk to you.. maybe she’s busy actually buying groceries.  it doesn’t matter.  you’re there to pick up CHICKS, MAN.  why does she have to be so damn MEAN about it?!

anyway, so.. this guy goes with the classic “hi”.  now, i would have gone for something more offensive here.  maybe a “girl, you look fucking GOOD” or “nice tits”, but hey, to each his own, right?

now, of course, where this guy nails it is the second line.  she rejects his hello and he’s instantly ready with the classic go-to move where you call her a “stuck up whore” loud enough for everyone to hear.  perfect.

now, i’m actually pretty SHOCKED that this didn’t work out for the guy.. because it always works for me.  the girl, who previously rejected/ignored my initial catcall, turns around upon hearing me call her a “stuck up whore”, generally feels bad about the whole thing, and usually gives me her number or asks me out for coffee.

for whatever reason, i guess it just wasn’t in the cards for this guy.

however, where this guy REALLY shines is his follow-through.  having been rejected, then humiliated her publicly, he finally heads to craigslist missed connections where, using amazingly good grammar and spelling, lets her know she still has a “nice ass” and then throws in the smiley face emoticon to make it all okay.

better luck next time, sir.  to all single guys: this is right out of the “picking up chicks” playbook, so i hope you all took notes and apply these techniques next time you’re shopping for groceries.