hey internet.

i’m going to try out a new post series here on the blog.  i know in the past, some series never really taken off, (see: bill chubb “fun facts”) so we’ll see if this one goes anywhere.

since i get e-mails DAILY from girls all over the world who want to date me because of my witty amazing blog, i thought it was time for me to set the record straight and really discourage girls from wanting me as their boyfriend.

item #1: the DVR

if we date, it is inevitable that we’ll have some show that we like to watch together.  odds are it will be an awesome HBO show like trueblood or big love.  we’ll make a big deal out of watching it together - maybe make dinner together beforehand.  after a crazy week at work, it will become a nice relaxing thing to look forward to.

one night, however, you’re going to have a conflict with our TV show night.  maybe your friend will be in town, or maybe you’ll have a work thing you have to go to.  i’ll say, “no worries!  we’ll just DVR it and watch it together tomorrow night.  not a problem at all.”  crisis averted.

i’ll be honest..  i’ll try and wait for you.  for about five minutes.  but here’s the deal:

i’m gonna watch the show.  by myself.  because i have no patience.

and then, when you come over the next night.. i’m gonna pretend i didn’t watch it.  i’ll look a little more distracted than usual.. or maybe not as surprised at an important plot twist.  maybe you’ll suspect something.  but i’ll never fess up.

and there you have it: bad boyfriend.  you’ve been warned.