mt. everest as a bad metaphor for why i sometimes don’t go to shows this week was a little unique for me because i attended three shows nearly back to back ranging from the up-and-coming passion pit, to the legendary steve earle, to my friend brett playing his amazing songs acoustic to a small room of 15 people.  it struck me tonight that this is weird because, for the past two years, for the most part, i haven’t been going to a lot of shows. i tried to think of the last time i went to this many shows in a row, and it has been a long time.  i have this love/hate thing with shows now, and i don’t know if it’s a temporary thing or if i’ll always feel like this. the only way i feel i could properly explain this is through a mountain climbing metaphor, so bear with me. six years ago, i set out with my best friends to climb mt. everest.  we barely had enough gear to even make an attempt, but we tried valiantly and kept chipping away for years, making small progress here and there, falling down a bit.  ultimately, we gave it up when we felt we couldn’t go any further.  a short while later, i made a second attempt.  this time we were better equipped, had more resources, and it finally felt like it was ours for the taking.  and we got further up the mountain than i ever thought possible in my previous attempts, but ultimately, despite our best efforts - we got stuck as well. and here’s the thing - most people do get stuck.  and that’s just the way of it.  it’s mt. everest.  it’s hard as shit to get to the top and sometimes it just comes down to something as fleeting as good timing and luck.  and i knew that going in and it didn’t stop me.  but after this attempt, feeling pretty beaten down (and broke), i decided to give up on mt. everest.  after my second try, when i made the decision to climb back down, i knew there wasn’t going to be a third attempt.  i was never going to have another opportunity to try for the summit. i often think about what would have been different if we’d succeeded or about what things i might have done differently, but i do rest easy knowing that every effort was made and it wasn’t for lack of trying.  sometimes things just don’t work out and i can live with that.  i gave everything i could give. so, for me, these days… going to shows is like sitting at the base camp of mt. everest and watching the various climbers go up.  there are climbers who will reach the top with relative ease and they’ll have little to no struggle.  there are others who have long since exhausted all their money and gear and yet, they keep trying because that’s all they know how to do.  and i love watching it all, because it is what i care about most deep down and what i’ve poured so much of my heart (and most of my 20s) into.  but it’s also hard, because i can’t watch the others without thinking “did i give up too soon?  could i try the summit again?” the answer is no.  deep down i know that.  but when you’re sitting in a crowd, face to face with what you devoted yourself to, it’s hard to quiet that voice in your head. i’m living a happy stable life.  i have opportunities unfolding before me that i’ve never had before and i am so grateful for the life i’m living.  i can safely say i left one dream to pursue another.  and i’m excited about where everything is going. but sometimes in the dark, watching a musician on stage and seeing that moment where they get lost in the music, and recognizing and remembering the feeling of that moment, it’s impossible not to have regrets.  and when the artist leaves the stage and the house lights go up, those regrets disappear just as quickly as they came. i made a promise to myself to try to go to more shows this year.  i love music too much to let that stop me.  we have a really great music scene in this city and i need to do a better job of embracing it.  i just felt that feeling again tonight while i was at brett’s show, and i finally felt like i could articulate it properly here.  so this is my attempt. and now back to your regularly scheduled silly blog stuff… thanks for reading.

mt. everest as a bad metaphor for why i sometimes don’t go to shows

this week was a little unique for me because i attended three shows nearly back to back ranging from the up-and-coming passion pit, to the legendary steve earle, to my friend brett playing his amazing songs acoustic to a small room of 15 people.  it struck me tonight that this is weird because, for the past two years, for the most part, i haven’t been going to a lot of shows.

i tried to think of the last time i went to this many shows in a row, and it has been a long time.  i have this love/hate thing with shows now, and i don’t know if it’s a temporary thing or if i’ll always feel like this.

the only way i feel i could properly explain this is through a mountain climbing metaphor, so bear with me.

six years ago, i set out with my best friends to climb mt. everest.  we barely had enough gear to even make an attempt, but we tried valiantly and kept chipping away for years, making small progress here and there, falling down a bit.  ultimately, we gave it up when we felt we couldn’t go any further.  a short while later, i made a second attempt.  this time we were better equipped, had more resources, and it finally felt like it was ours for the taking.  and we got further up the mountain than i ever thought possible in my previous attempts, but ultimately, despite our best efforts - we got stuck as well.

and here’s the thing - most people do get stuck.  and that’s just the way of it.  it’s mt. everest.  it’s hard as shit to get to the top and sometimes it just comes down to something as fleeting as good timing and luck.  and i knew that going in and it didn’t stop me.  but after this attempt, feeling pretty beaten down (and broke), i decided to give up on mt. everest.  after my second try, when i made the decision to climb back down, i knew there wasn’t going to be a third attempt.  i was never going to have another opportunity to try for the summit.

i often think about what would have been different if we’d succeeded or about what things i might have done differently, but i do rest easy knowing that every effort was made and it wasn’t for lack of trying.  sometimes things just don’t work out and i can live with that.  i gave everything i could give.

so, for me, these days… going to shows is like sitting at the base camp of mt. everest and watching the various climbers go up.  there are climbers who will reach the top with relative ease and they’ll have little to no struggle.  there are others who have long since exhausted all their money and gear and yet, they keep trying because that’s all they know how to do.  and i love watching it all, because it is what i care about most deep down and what i’ve poured so much of my heart (and most of my 20s) into.  but it’s also hard, because i can’t watch the others without thinking “did i give up too soon?  could i try the summit again?”

the answer is no.  deep down i know that.  but when you’re sitting in a crowd, face to face with what you devoted yourself to, it’s hard to quiet that voice in your head.

i’m living a happy stable life.  i have opportunities unfolding before me that i’ve never had before and i am so grateful for the life i’m living.  i can safely say i left one dream to pursue another.  and i’m excited about where everything is going.

but sometimes in the dark, watching a musician on stage and seeing that moment where they get lost in the music, and recognizing and remembering the feeling of that moment, it’s impossible not to have regrets.  and when the artist leaves the stage and the house lights go up, those regrets disappear just as quickly as they came.

i made a promise to myself to try to go to more shows this year.  i love music too much to let that stop me.  we have a really great music scene in this city and i need to do a better job of embracing it.  i just felt that feeling again tonight while i was at brett’s show, and i finally felt like i could articulate it properly here.  so this is my attempt.

and now back to your regularly scheduled silly blog stuff… thanks for reading.