i’ve let this blog fall to the wayside.. and that’s kind of a bummer.  my problem is that this used to be a place to catalog all my “clever thoughts” and then twitter came along and i just figured out a way to say all those same clever thoughts in a concise 140-character format.  plus, once i started my civil war column at RVA News, the writing itch was being fully scratched, and as a result, the writing pretty much disappeared here.

i always told myself that i’d get back to blogging when i finally had something to say that required more than 140 characters, and i suppose i’ve found it.

in two weeks, my dad is going to have open-heart surgery.  a triple, or possibly quadruple bypass.  he’s 61 years old.

i feel weird talking about health issues/family issues in a public way like this.  i’ve never been the type to “rally the troops” when things like this happen.  i prefer to deal with things in a more private way.  but, as i’ve been thinking about it more and more, the desire to write down how i was feeling kept getting stronger.  i don’t have a diary, so here i am.

my first family health scare was about 10 years ago when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  it was caught early on and my mom is an incredibly strong woman, so i never really worried about her.  with her breast cancer, the cancer cells appeared, we treated it, they got smaller, they went away.  the experience felt like something you could chip away at, keep treating, check on your progress, make sure it doesn’t re-appear.  obviously i’m simplifying it here, but my mom made it feel manageable.

with my dad’s heart disease, it’s a different feeling.  it’s more like a timebomb.. chaotic, unmanageable.  he’s completely asymptomatic.  he could maybe afford to lose 10 pounds, but he runs and works out regularly, eats really well, and has no symptoms of heart disease.  and yet, without him knowing, he’s been living at extreme risk of a stroke or heart attack.  also, my dad is not as strong as my mom.  my mom never let us see that she was worried.  maybe it’s because i’m older now, but i can see the fear behind my dad’s calm demeanor.  he jokes about it, but i can tell he’s scared.  and why wouldn’t he be?  this surgery is super intense.  it’s also heartbreaking to me that he worked hard his whole life, saved all his money for retirement, and finally retired last year and now he’s completely sidelined by something like this.  it reminds me of the line about God laughing while you’re making plans.

i know my dad is in good hands.  i know that the fact that he’s in good health means he’s at much better odds for a successful surgery and a quick recovery.  still, it’s a sobering reminder of how fragile life is and that’s something you shouldn’t take your eyes off of.

i know things will work out.  i’m not going to dwell on the what-if’s.  it’s just a lot to think about right now.

anyway, that’s it.  just wanted to get that off my chest.  if anyone has a 140-character version of this they’d like to suggest, i’m all ears.